There are a lot of ways to think about passion, but whenever we do, it’s most associated with heat in some for or another. White-hot passion about something or someone is certainly the sexier version, of course. What’s interesting to me about something so heated is that it often needs so much more fuel to keep it stoked.
Then there’s the smoldering passion. It’s not nearly as sexy and, at times, can almost seem to be non-existent. Low and slow blends into the background a lot more. That’s just not that interesting… is it?
I know that I feel that way at varying times in my life. You know the mentality: GO BIG OR GO HOME! INTENSITY! GOTTA ME EXXXTREEEEEEEME!
*ahem* It can be get to be a little much and makes you really prone to burnout. Stunner right?
But today is not about the streaking comet across the sky, but about the embers, smoldering away, low and slow.
There is a steadiness to that sweet slow burn that I think deserves praise. It’s got the stamina to hang in there, but where the real magic lies is for it to go from low and slow to big and bright. It just needs well-timed oxygen to drive it from a mellow glow to a total blaze.
The ember may be my new mental image to keep myself better grounded in my own passions. As mentioned above, I tend to be more all-or-nothing and, truthfully, while the periods of all can be incredible, you can only push that for so long before the nothing strikes at your like an viper from the shadows. But the glowing ember? That’s the burn that stays, remains strong and while it needs tending, it has sustaining power. And the best part? It can be fanned to greater heat when needed.
Because who needs that all the time and at every moment? I know I don’t. And let’s be clear – it’s not like this a suggestion of living life without passion. Totally the opposite.
Just understand your intensity and where it gets it’s best use.
Stoke that sweet slow burn… and when you need it… fan it to full-on ferocity.
Gratuitous photo of my dapper self. Why? Well, why the hell not?
Thursday AM this past week was a conditioning day and instead of my typical fun with the Prowler, I thought I would change things up and do some 50 yard sprints at the football field of my town’s high school.
On the drive over to the field, my mind gently wandered about a little bit and I began to think about this blog and the overall message of it. I think this was motivated by a book I am reading on blogging that advises bloggers to develop their “elevator pitch” to easily explain what their blog is all about.
Then I got to thinking about others I’ve seen who have motivational style posts… except… well… there was something about their message I couldn’t quite shake.
The solution?
Make a video about it. Put it on the YouTubes. Boom. Go time.
Let’s chat for a minute about improving yourself. Sure, that’s most of the theme of this blog in general, but let’s talk about it in a seemingly unique and obvious concept. Yes, unique does not often go with obvious, but damn it, tonight it will.
Suppose for a moment you wanted to improve your health, fitness, well-being or some other part of your physical being. Would you just sort of amble about through the day and hope that after a while, you were better off than when you started? Wait… you wouldn’t? Come on… seriously?
Seems pretty straightforward. You don’t tend to get better by accident. There is effort, focus, determination, planning and execution of that planning. It’s not even that complicated – it just takes actually putting into motion a half-decent plan. Not even a great plan necessarily – just something semi-good that you give strong effort to.
Everything you’ve read up to this point is the obvious part. Here is what is a little unique: Why is it so damn few people, including me, take that same approach when it comes to their “inner” development? It’s as if the path to being a better person lies in just saying one day, “Hey, I want to be get better…” at some positive personal quality (listener/thinker/more caring/more resilient/better empathy/stand up for themselves) and one day, BOOM! There it is! Glory, glory hallelujah! Sing unto the heavens for I have raised myself up to new heights! Can I get an amen? AYYYYYYY-MEN!
I am a bit taken aback by the extent to which I swing and miss on this very point. My approach to physical training is focused, planned and borderline obsessive (I prefer meticulous, but then again, I am powerful sweet and don’t see this as a bad thing). I know I need to do certain lifts to get stronger in particular areas and I need to work conditioning to stay in shape. I know if I just blow them off, nothing happens… well, nothing good at least. But what about wanting to be less distracted and more thoughtful/focused? Don’t I need to have a plan for that? Don’t I need to spend actual time on getting better at that?
It’s as I act like these things will just be taken care of because, hell, my mind is going all day long so… umm… it must be working on something. Maybe it’s working on my being more thoughtful too! WOO!
Horrible, horrible plan. And especially galling considering how perfectly clear it is to me that a lot of work goes into my physical development. It’s borderline silly I don’t have time set aside to think about my personal development.
Until now. Finally got that booked into my calendar on a daily basis and what now becomes important is this: Will I do it? Will I guard that time and treat it with the same level of care I do my training? If I do, good things will come. If I don’t… well… then I will just be back to knowing that a very good intention married to a non-existant plan is a sure bet for a looking utterly dopey.
And this blog is not about sheepishly sitting idle. It’s relentlessly pushing myself forward. May I not just write it, but live it.
I take a lot of pride in this here blog. Every post I write very much comes from the heart – what I write here, I mean and believe.
But here is something a little funny about the blog. Friends of mine who mention the blog to others who haven’t read it will turn to me and say, “Kev, tell them what your blog is about.” And you know what I inevitably do? I pause… like, for a while. Not the thoughtful pause of a man with great wisdom who is merely taking a moment to let the listener pull closer before he unveils the truth of the universe. Oh, how I wish.
No, it’s more like a pause of, “Sweet mother of God… how do I describe the shenanigans I write on this site? Think, think, think… umm… damn it all…”
So in the interest of having a more well-constructed answer than my typical response of “Well… it’s about a lot of things…” (a real crowd-pleaser, by the way), I will seek to answer in this post.
I am a very strong believer in the idea that every person must have core principles they hold very dear which guide them through life. This doesn’t need to be a massive list – in fact, it should be purposefully brief so as to avoid conflict, confusion and doubt. This blog is a reflection of a few of my core views of life: (1)we are each made up of equal parts mind, body and spirit; (2) a lot of life is thoughtfully developing these things over time; and (3) the development of each of these can have a hugely positive impact on the other parts.
The best example I can give is the meaning of weight training to me and the impact it has had on my life. Lifting weights, especially over the last 5-8 years as I’ve gotten a lot more thoughtful and focused in this effort, has certainly done quite a bit to develop my physical capabilities, but has probably had at least an equal positive impact on my mindset and confidence. There is an inherently amazing level of self-understanding you develop when you throw a few hundred pounds of weight on your back… especially a weight you have never handled in your life… and then see if you can lift it. You begin to wonder about things like:
Will I be able to handle it? What happens if I screw up? How will I handle that gnawing fear in my gut that this lift is going to go straight to hell and take me to the floor in the process? Will I be afraid to try again if I fail? If I succeed, how do I keep progressing?
Vasiliy Alekseyev – One powerful dude.
A great example is a story I’ve heard numerous times about Vasiliy Alekseyev, one of the greatest Olympic weightlifters of all time. He was stuck on one of his lifts at a particular weight – no matter how many times he tried it, he simply could not seem to complete the lift at the weight in question. So, when he went into a competition, his coach had him lift just below at what that weight was… except that’s only what he told Vasiliy. In reality, he had the bar set with the weight Vasiliy had never been able to lift. Up to the platform this giant of a man steps, grabs the weight… completes the lift.
Was he physically any different at that moment? Of course not. He was mentally stuck about what he could and couldn’t do, so it took a little trickery from his coach to get him past that seemingly insurmountable set point.
So what does all of this have to do with Fierce and Mighty? Oh, I have the answer for you (umm… which is most of the reason I asked the question – I don’t want to look like a complete maroon, ya know).
It can take the success of a physical act to get you to see new potential in yourself, not just in the weight room or the track or the pool or the field, but in your entire life. When you can demonstrate to yourself time and time again that you can break through your own preconceived ideas of what is possible, the carryover to other parts of your life is absolutely striking.
That’s what this blog is about more than anything else: my personal journey on the path to developing body/mind/spirit in equal parts, learning something in the process and sharing all of it with you in the hopes you may find benefit as well. I may give advice here, but it always comes from a place of my own steps to follow that advice too.
So that’s Fierce and Mighty, described as best I can. Now if I can just figure out how to explain that to someone in 10 seconds or less in a conversation, I might really be onto something.
A lot of this blog may sound like advice I’m giving to others, but anyone who reads it should keep in mind the fact that oftentimes, its guidance I am striving to apply to myself on a daily basis. Today’s vlog is a good example – I want to hold myself to a certain standard when interacting with others, regardless of how they deem to act towards me. Sometimes it’s on me and… well… sometimes it’s on you, bro. Enjoy.
A prayer that has become increasingly popular over the last several years is “The Serenity Prayer”. It’s been used by people recovering from addiction or just people looking for a little more peace in their lives. While it has a few different forms to it, this is the most common version:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
It’s simple, clear and readily accessible to just about anyone because all of us go through moments in our lives where we scrap, claw and battle… but damn, it sure would help to know if we could even make a change on that thing we war against so fervently. Knowing that line between the changeable and the impossibly fixed would be helpful.
My last post on thinking… well… got me thinking (funny how that works) about a different kind of line – the one dividing thoughtful consideration and pointed action. As I wrote previously, I am all for taking time to think, ponder, navel gaze and whatever else you want to call it… but sweet mother of God, there will come a time when all of that contemplation needs to be set aside and action must be taken. There is certainly value to thinking for the sake of thinking, but most of the time, you are thinking over some issue or question that you then need to do something about.
This is the precise reason why on my About page you will find one of my favorite General Patton quotes – “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan next week.” Endless thinking becomes endless hand-wringing and worry over how things will turn out. You will need to reach a moment of putting into motion a plan because a good one now can take you someplace… and let’s be honest… the perfect one never comes.
So maybe that’s how I would have a new version of The Serenity Prayer. Something along the lines of:
God, grant me the discipline to think deeply,
The drive to commit fully to my actions,
And the wisdom to know the place for each.
It’s not perfect poetry, but you get the general flavor of it all. Or maybe you just scrap the whole notion and go with 4 simple words: Plan thoughtfully. Execute fiercely.
In this great, big, beautiful world of ours, there is variety of different approaches to everything in life. Some people are dark and dour – seemingly each moment of the day is spent in a perpetual state of seriousness. Other people seem to radiate joy, silliness and a joie de vivre that’s impossible not to be positively affected by. Each of us will have an approach that works best for us.
But beyond just mood, we each look at the world a little bit differently when thinking about issues and ideas. Maybe you are truly Zen, where your mind is free from influence and clear-eyed to each situation. Maybe you are harried and hassled with nary a moment to spend in “wasteful” navel-gazing.
Me? I’m a bit of a thinker and I’m here to make the case for why you should be too.
I think it’s important for me to discuss what I mean by a thinker before dashing headlong into the rest of this post. A thinker is not someone who is necessarily smarter than anyone else. It’s important to dispel this notion because (1) I don’t want your reading this entire blog post thinking “You utterly smug and arrogant son of a biscuit…”; and (2) clear definitions just make life easier. So there.
My definition of a thinker is someone who takes a bit of time to give thought and reflection to decisions, life actions and issues, whether on an intensely personal scale or affecting the world as a whole. Pretty simple, right?
I implore more people to take this path for two critically important reasons.
First, it can be very easy in an age of technological advancement and communication that borders on magical to be so busy, hassled and frantic to never stop and think. I am a thinker, but believe me, I fall into this trap at times as well.
Second, I find myself encountering far too man people these days for whom the idea of giving thought to more than one angle of a question is actually a negative. By way of example, I can think of a few conversations I have had of late where someone would remark, “Ohh, you can’t make up your mind – you would rather keep going back-and-forth…” Now, if we were talking about what toppings to get on my burger, that’s one thing. I mean seriously… there really are some delicious accoutrements out there for a delicious slab of grilled ground beef. Any combination of cheese, bacon, fried egg, grilled onions and avocado will do nicely… umm… sorry. Burgers distract me.
But the conversations where this point have come up involved more complicated affairs and the seeming lack of interest in thinking about more than one side of a nuanced issue was a bit troubling to me. I don’t know if it was general impatience or just a predisposition to settling on a narrow viewpoint and holding on tight or just a pitched battle against any shade of gray in a world someone wants to be black and white.
Hence, I urge you to think and to set aside time for thinking (although I admit I am still struggling with that latter suggestion). It will amaze how you some of your thorniest life issues will unravel a touch when you devote a little time to the endeavor. And if you find yourself getting a little stuck with a myriad of questions the more you think… just remember it’s possible (and maybe even likely) that you are experiencing it because it is a tricky question.
Dabble in the grays. There are many… not just 50 shades.
I don’t know exactly when it happened, but mornings have become something I enjoy quite a bit. I was never truly a late night party machine to begin withm as any friend of mine reading this will laugh loudly while saying, “Whoooaaaa… big breaking news there…” I do enjoy quite a bit about the evening time, but for me it’s the winding down feeling I enjoy, not a time to getting buckwild crazy. For instance, one of my favorite memories is when I used to live along the Connecticut shoreline, I would head down to the beach on a clear night and sit up in one of the lifeguard chairs for a while. It was just incredibly peaceful to sit there in the darkness, maybe with some moonlight, and watch the waves lap the shore.
I think my fascination with mornings is due to the feeling that with a new day brings the chance for good, new things to happen. There is always something inherently positive about that in my mind. Are there mornings where I am decidedly unexcited about what lies in store for me that day? Oh, hell yes. Let’s not get ridiculous about this – I am not going to pretend I walk out the door each morning with the figurative bluebirds of happiness chirping upon each of my shoulders.
But there is just the fact that a new day is starting and I have the chance to make of it what I will. This is the same feeling I have when I sit down in front of a nice, clean sheet of paper. What will transpire with that paper is completely up to me. It could be a mundane shopping list or a series of to-do projects requiring my attention. It could also be a sketch or a frenetic set of ideas I am excited to get down on paper and organize for a blog post, a training program or just some insight that mysterious popped into my noggin.
It’s the promise of it all that fascinates me. I have talked about potential before here and here, so I think it’s clear that leaving potential unrealized or without effort to achieve is something to avoid… but it still fires my imagination overall.
So as I write this very morning and think more about the good things in life, I am upbeat and ready to get moving a little bit. OK, that could be the coffee, but it’s more likely the power of mornings.
Here’s to hoping for good things in store today for you. That big, clean sheet of paper is in front of us all. Give it something good.
The idea of a “mid-life crisis” seems to be this generic catch-all to explain any activity undertaken by a 40-55 year old that appears to be driven by a misguided intent to make up for lost time or recapture a fleeting bit of youth before it slips through the fingers like grains of sand. In an interesting twist, almost every case I can think of someone saying a person is going through a mid-life crisis is describing a man – no idea why that is, but it just popped into my mind. A person in the aforementioned age range can do a variety of things that will call up the mid-life crisis moniker:
Buy a sports car, motorcycle or any other propelled sort of toy
Does something different with their appearance (colors hair, grows a goatee, gets a tattoo for the first time, etc.)
Takes up some new sort of hobby that comes from seemingly out of nowhere
There are certainly more, but these are some of the more obvious.
And the label of this mid-life crisis always comes from someone looking on with a disapproving shake of their head and an exasperated comment of, “Well, there it is… Bill is going through a mid-life crisis. Does he realize how ridiculous he is acting?”
Except here’s the problem with all of the above:
I think 99.99% of it is pure, 100% unadulterated crap. Truly.
I got thinking about this the other day as I inch ever-closer to my latest milestone birthday of 40 (coming up in November, so plenty of time for y’all to get your shopping in now… I like gadgets, golf, reading and anything involving lifting heavy stuff repeatedly). I am planning on doing some kind of trip with any family and friends who would like to come along, not as much as a celebration of “LOOK AT SUPER COOL 40 YEAR OLD ME! BOOM!” and more just a nice chance to spend time with those closest to me. But in all of this thinking, I also know I have been reevaluating things in my own life and what I would like to do these next few years.
Now, I don’t plan on buying a Corvette, getting blonde hair implants and moving to LA to finally live out a dream of acting… but what occurred to me about the typical idea of a mid-life crisis is that while people may make some big changes in that 40-55 year old age range, it has a ton more to do with the perspective and (hopefully) wisdom you gain with time and less to do with chasing lost youth.
Are there people who probably meet the criteria of a stereotypical mid-life crisis? Of course there are.
But for the most part? I seriously doubt it.
So a 50 year old guy buys a Porsche and it’s the first time in his life he has had a snazzy car. Maybe he has realized that he has spent a lifetime scrimping and saving and having his nose to the grindstone and finally found a way to just have some fun.
The 45 year old lawyer who decides to get a tattoo for the first time? Maybe he is just comfortable enough in his own skin to do something different and has finally hit that point in life where the tsk-tsking opinions of others don’t mean doodly-squat.
Heck, my deciding to grow a beard these last 10 days has been nothing more than a “Why don’t I try it?” kind of thing and not a desperate attempt to be different for the sake of being different. And let’s face facts – I am one handsome SOB. Take your time to appreciate this for a few minutes before reading on. I can wait… it will be well-worth your time.
Me in all my handsome, shaggy glory.
The best thing about getting older is the perspective you gain on life and the increasingly clear realization that it is your life, only your life and if you live it solely based on the expectations of others as opposed to being true to thine own self, you will end up bitterly disappointed.
And that’s my view as a guy just south of the big 4-0: Put yourself out there. Try stuff. VERY few mistakes are fatal and many can be kind of fun. You have to answer to only yourself at the end of the day (or your deity of choice if you are a believer).
I am still way less-than-perfect at this kind of thing, but damn… I am trying hard.
The final piece of advice: Don’t go and do anything or buy anything just because you feel it will make you cooler, hipper or anything along those silly lines. But if it’s something important to you? Or even just something that would be interesting to give a run? Godspeed. We are each figuring this out as we go and it’s that process that means the most in the end.
A funny thing happened on the way to my soccer game this past Sunday. Not like literally during the drive over, but in the time leading up to the game and it all happened without me specifically noticing it.
As I mentioned a little bit in my post yesterday on potential, my experience at Tough Mudder really opened my eyes a bit to what I can and cannot do. Going through such an unbelievably challenging event like that (probably the hardest physical thing I have ever done) made me reflective in the weeks that followed. If you asked “How so, you charming devil?”, well… then (1) thank you for the compliment you kind and observant soul; and (2) let me tell you.
Between work busy-ness and life busy-ness and all the lifting and physical training I do anyway, I’ve sometimes been concerned about overdoing it. As Saint Mom Kuzia has always said about me, I tend to be either all-in or all-out. I’m not terribly good at finding that smooth, even-keeled middle that some other people tend to have as they navigate the waves of life. I’ve gotten a little better in this regard, but certainly not great. So I have had times where I felt rundown or tired or unmotivated as I pushed through my training sessions. I would chalk this up to life catching up with me and just being way, way, waaaaay too overstretched.
After Tough Mudder, I suddenly wasn’t so sure. I certainly have more stress than I would care for, but was that really what was limiting me? Or, as I wrote yesterday, had I created an artificial boundary around my own potential? I decided to say “Screw it” and see if I couldn’t get a little more juice going for myself by pushing a little harder in each training session I had.
Lo and behold! I play soccer this past Sunday, switch to more of a midfield position versus my typical backfield defender position… I need to run a ton more… and probably played the best game I have had in YEARS. I am no by NO MEANS some kind of talented soccer wiz – quite the contrary. I picked up the game seriously 10 years ago at 29 and have loved it ever since, but I will never be the guy to dazzle you with my deft footwork and majestic shots on goal. I’m a worker. A scrapper. A hustler… and boy did I hustle this past week and had a ton of fun doing it.
None of this would have happened if I didn’t get myself out of that preconceived notion of my own boundaries. That’s the beauty of finding moments to really get out of your own comfort zone – the time in that awkward experience is likely terribly unpleasant, but in many ways, you aren’t doing it for that moment, but for ones that follow.
Present pain. Future payoff. An excellent personal transaction.
