Posts by :
A Little Less Every Day
November 27th, 2011I feel rather fortunate to have some good friends and connections on Facebook who have a gift for providing interesting status updates or thought-provoking links. It’s one of those areas where I find Facebook can really shine as more than just a nice tool to give updates to friends on how you’re doing and really become an amazing means of sharing wisdom.
I can almost hear the groans from here at positing Facebook as a portal through which intelligence can be shared… especially since so much of Facebook can degrade into really mindless (but potentially fun) nonsense.
An excellent example is this link my buddy Chris posted a little while ago:
The post is interesting in its own right as it peers into those closing moments of life where people finally let down their guards and get honest with themselves and those around them.
However, this post was especially interesting to me since I’ve spent the last few days thinking about the same concept in point #1: the importance of living a life true to yourself and your own principles as opposed to constantly striving to only serve the expectations of others. In a way, this is a bit of a link to my previous post because being nice does not mean kowtowing to the interests of others in hopes of winning their approval, especially if you compromise yourself in the process.
It’s why I am striving to care just a little bit less every day what others think of me, how they judge me or how my actions can be improperly shaped by opinions or views not my own. This is a tricky process… umm, but I am guessing you knew that. No matter how noble our intentions, it can be hard not to be affected by friend, family and colleagues. Heck, Madison Avenue is none of those things and yet has made a borderline science to influencing consumers into purchasing all manner of goods (whether we need them or not).
I’ve found a few interesting benefits to this practice. One that jumps most readily to mind is how it affects me giving presentations at work. I’ve actually enjoyed public speaking to a certain degree anyway… I’m a bit of a ham, when you get right down to my core. But what’s made it even better is an attitude of “Let it rip…” In doing so, I find myself less concerned about “Oh my God… but… but… what if I MESS IT ALL UP?!?!?!? THEN WHAT?!?!?!? I will be shunned forever! Looked down upon as a blighted soul not fit for human contact!” You know… or something like that. But that has not been the case – instead, it has given me a renewed kick in the pants. Not bad, right?
But in reality, the most important part is each little step will hopefully bring me that much closer to an aligned sense of living with my own values… and as a person profoundly affected by my own personal values, that is hugely important. If I feel out of whack on this, absolutely nothing feels right.
And it’s a process. No one just wakes up one day after a particularly good night’s sleep and is just in perfect alignment. It’s not something you acquire, set back and think, “Ahh… to live out my days as a consistent human being in all ways possible. Thank goodness for that extra bit of shut-eye. That hit the spot!”
So here’s to peering down the slope and taking on the ultimate and most worthwhile challenge: being yourself. Ride hard. Fall a few times. Ride again. It won’t be easy, but you will never regret it.
Nice Guys Finish…
November 26th, 2011I recently attended a great strength and conditioning seminar down in New Jersey hosted by one of my favorite coaches, Jason Ferruggia. I’ve always enjoyed these kinds of events because of how much I learn and also because of the interactions you have with the other participants.
In one of the Facebook threads following the seminar, a comment was made about me that I could possibly be the “nicest guy you will ever meet.” I must admit that this is not the first time someone has made this remark to me and every time I have ever heard it, I’ve always had the same reaction: humbled, but with a little bit of a shoulder shrug because I just do not know any other way. It’s how I was raised.
Believe me – I don’t say any of this as a means to brag, boast or pat myself on the back. Far from it. I lack the ego to sit around and do that kind of thing anyway.
But it does make me think quite a bit about what it means to be a nice person and the Leo Durocher saying of “Nice guys finish last.” Heck, as I glanced through the Wikipedia entry for “nice guy” (seriously… there is one) and let me tell you… whoever wrote that, they didn’t look too fondly upon the archetypal nice guy.
I basically chuckle at the entire notion of how someone described as a nice guy is viewed in popular culture. The guy who never really gets the girl in the end. The doormat in the office that everyone dumps everything on. The guy so easily taken advantage of by less-than-true friends.
There are certainly people who fall into all of that, but it’s never fit how I like to see myself.
For me, it’s a fairly simple sort of approach: a combination of (1) the Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you and (2) a smattering of the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius.
If you are suddenly finding yourself thinking, “Umm… and that would mean?”, hopefully I can explain.
Everyone knows the Golden Rule. It’s the simple notion that you treat people as you would be treated. Clean, simple, concise. So point #1, check.
The Marcus Aurelius piece is a bit of using the philosophy of the classic Stoics that the actions of others, in the end, are meaningless in terms of how I think, feel, respond and conduct myself. In other words, I am going to always do my best to act according to my principles and if you are a jerk in return… that’s on you, not me. I think this approach takes more strength as opposed to less because there must always be a vigilance in not allowing others to change who you are or sway you into acting in conflict with your beliefs.
Does this mean I sit back and take whatever garbage people may look to lay on my lap? Of course not, although I do notice that some people seem to think that since I seek to treat people well, that perhaps I CAN be taken advantage of. It’s a bit sad to see and when I catch it, that person will always diminish in my eyes. But how I handle it is simple: I give people the benefit of the doubt and when I see they simply have not earned it, my interactions with them will taper off over time. Oh and I will continue to be polite when our paths cross… but I am obviously not going to go out of my way for them. Nice guy should never equal utterly bat guano crazy.
So feel free to be a little nice today while sticking to your guns. It’s surprising how liberating it can be to be to see the good mojo you get in return. And if you get a healthy dose of jerkiness in return? Their lost opportunity… not yours.
Completely Shameless Plug
November 21st, 2011For those who have not seen it, I have an article published over at EliteFTS.com entitled “The Battle to Take Back Awesome”. Just went up on Friday and I am both proud and humbled by the whole thing. I had a few pieces over at T-Nation from a few years ago, but this is my first one for EliteFTS and it’s a pretty big moment for me. It seems to be well-received thus far and I am planning on submitting more going forward.
Please give it a read and comment on it if the mood strikes you. Also, I do have a Facebook page for this blog, so feel free to follow along there as well. You can find that here.
What I Learned at My Obstacular Trail Race
November 14th, 2011I’m someone who likes finding some new challenges for myself every now and again. I like new stimuli since I can otherwise stagnate, so when my friend, Jason, let me know he was putting together an obstacle trail race to benefit The Wounded Warrior Project, I was 100% game on. OK, maybe more like 99% game on. I was there in attitude for sure… but I suppose actually doing a whole bunch of running BEFORE the race probably would have been a good idea and a finer example of 100% game on.
But I was able to recruit my brother (the gentleman with his eyes closed below) and our friend Tom (who ran a half marathon the day before this) to venture forth for 5 miles and 15 obstacles worth of mayhem-filled fun a few weeks ago.
And I even learned a few things along the way. What, pray tell? So glad you (and by you, I mean me) asked!
1) Keep your head down.
I’m not great at endurance style exercise. This is a combination of not really training that way and not being terribly well-built for it. Both of these things can be overcome (the first by different training and the second through not letting this become an excuse). So when I was in the midst of this race, there were a lot of moments that were difficult for me. If there was one pretty useful trick I used to keep myself moving, it was to keep my head down. This is actually a big part of why I wore my baseball hat and pulled that sucker nice and low.
If my head was down, I was only focusing on what I could control at that very moment: my next few steps. Looking ahead to see how much was left to run did me absolutely no good. Heck, it would have probably discouraged me if I thought about it all that long. But those next few steps? I could do those and I could do those every single time until I was done with the 5 miles.
This happens in life all the time. If you have a daunting task in front of you… especially one that could take quite some time to address… it will never help you to look too far ahead because the only thing you have some semblance of control over is the here and now. So crush the here and now and move onto the next step. Keep… your head… DOWN.
2) Stronger teammates = stronger you.
Unless you are some kind of Shaolin monk with keenly-honed powers of self-mastery, the environment around us has a big a effect, both for good and ill. If you work in an office full of people who are horribly negative and whose chief hobby is complaining about anything and everything… I have a hard time believing you will be all that productive (at least not without listening to your iPod all day long to drown them out). If you lifts weights consistently with people a lot stronger than you are… lo and behold, you will get a lot stronger too. I would contend you will also get a lot stronger than you ever would have on your own.
On our team of 3, Tom was the strongest on the endurance front BY FAR. It wasn’t even close. He could have left my brother and I in the dust multiple times, except many obstacles required a team effort to complete. That being said, Tom was still at the lead of our little pack at all times… and he ran a freaking half-marathon the day before. I kid you not.
The big positive is that Tom always being there pushed me and Chris to keep running just a little bit more and pressing just a little bit harder. If Tom could keep running, so could we, damn it. And ran we did… for 5 miles and for a total of 1 hour, 11 minutes. I have never run that far or long in my life and if Tom wasn’t there, I cannot really say I would have done all of that.
3) It takes all kinds.
I cannot imagine why anyone would have run this in purple short-shorts… shirtless… and with double pierced nipples. I kept imagining the potential to be hurling yourself through an obstacle in the woods and there being that one branch sticking out juuuuust the right way. *shudder* But hey, he was probably through that course in half the time I was, so who am I to judge?
4) I want more.
It’s sometimes the things you least expect that can interest you the most. I finished this race, felt like my legs had been beaten severely by a gang of Muay Thai fighters… and yet I wanted to do another one. As I noted above, I am in no way well-suited (at least not currently) for this kind of activity… but if there is one thing I know about myself, it’s that I need challenges to bring out my best. This was something new… something hard… yet something ultimately fun that I can do with a team (and I like team stuff quite a bit). I am already looking up 2012 events for things like Tough Mudder, Spartan Race, Warrior Dash and so on. I know I will need to rearrange how I train, but I enjoy the chance to do so. Sometimes a little forced evolution is good for the soul anyway.
In the end, the entire event reproved something I’ve long known to be true: competitive sporting events are never just a moment of physical activity, but are often very pure opportunities for learning a lot more about yourself. I would definitely encourage you to give it a try. You don’t need to be a hyper-competitive monster to enjoy these kinds of things, but until you’ve pushed yourself past a moment after moment where you wanted so badly to quit, I don’t think you will truly know yourself.
Keep your head down.
38 Years. 364 Days.
November 13th, 2011
I spent some time with my family today to do a little birthday celebration for me one day early. The work week always tends to bring on a lot more mayhem that I would really like, so today was optimal for everyone. I’m sure someone just read that previous sentence and thought, “Who in the world likes mayhem?” Actually, I do… sometimes. 24/7 mayhem is not my cup of Earl Grey, but a little bit of randomness and something to keep me on my toes? I’ll take some of that on occasion. Helps me stay a little fresh.
It was a little strange to think about being 1 year and 1 day shy of 40 years old and even weirder for me to think I’ve lived in 5 different decades. Some may think that by virtue of age, they are qualified to sit back and expound all sorts of wisdom to the masses. Hmm. I’m always a little suspect of that since time has the potential to bring some wisdom, it’s not a guarantee. And you certainly know the guy/gal who feels it is their place… no, their sacred duty to share the pearls of wisdom they’ve gleaned throughout their life… and yet they have about as much of Solomon’s wisdom as a piece of stale rye toast.
And that made me think a bit about this very blog. No, seriously.
I hope I do a little bit of good with this blog (which is sorely in need of more posts), but as I drove home from my birthday feasting, I wondered, “What is it that brings people to my site in the first place?” Some of you are family or good personal friends, but I also know there are people out there I have never met before who come here too… and frankly, I would love to get a lot more of you to show up on this little cyber parcel.
In this kind of reflection, it can be truly easy for me to lump myself and my blog away as trivial. There are plenty of bloggers out there writing on how to improve your life or lift weights or reflecting on what it means to be human. If I were to look at that vast sea of writers without any context, it would be incredibly easy for me to throw my hands in the air and never write again.
But I do keep writing for a pretty simple reason: none of those people are me.
That’s not a cocky statement to imply “None of those people are me… and damn it, there’s no way in hell any of them are nearly as FREAKING AWESOME as me! YEAH!” Perish the thought.
Rather, none of those people are me, hence none of them can bring my perspective and I actually think I have something to share in that regard. So share it I will.
Plus, now that I’ve begun this writing, I’m not sure I can stop… and I really wouldn’t want to. I’m a person who is keenly driven by purpose. When I feel I lack purpose in any part of my life, that area will suffer, guaranteed. If I see some action as fitting into a bigger plan or a grander scheme or just something bigger than me, then giving it my all is never work and it’s a pure pleasure. That’s where I find my meaning, my mojo and my moments. And my alliteration. Clearly.
So as the page drops off the calendar and I officially drop onto the 39th anniversary of my day of birth, I thank anyone who reads these words… for my purpose is not just to explore all of this for my own sake, but to truly hope that you get something out of this too.
I Got 99 Problems and They’re High Class Ones
October 31st, 2011All of this storm stuff got me to thinking. I know, I know… every time that happens I tread into dangerous, uncharted territory, but I’ve also got a lot of time on my hands, so these things will just happen. I was having a conversation with a friend recently where we were talking about various problems we face and the one thing I told her was, “Remember… these are high class problems… the kind that are almost nice to have.”
So what do I mean by a high class problem? Well, not really the Jay-Z style problem:
Although I suspect the problems Mr. Sean Carter faces these days are much more high class than he dealt with growing up.
I define a high class problem as the kind of problem that may seem like an issue… but really isn’t in the grand scheme of things. An illustration in thinking of myself since the “winter” storm Alfred hit. I lost power and was without TV, computer and heat. I also had to lift in my basement by candlelight. High class problems all. No one should shed tears for me since I have a HDTV, MacBook Pro and am fortunate enough to even have a gym in my basement to begin with. Or even the fact that my weightlifting of late has been pretty flat and I feel all banged up. High class problem. You get the picture.
There are 2 big challenges of the high class problem, as I see it.
First, even when you identify them, that doesn’t mean you instantly realize you shouldn’t be so concerned about them. We don’t always instantly shift into a state of epiphany. Well, at least I don’t. If you do… damn… please write a book on it. I’ll buy it.
Second, the realization of problems as high class can sometimes send us into a full-on state of guilt. Why? Because it’s easy to realize there will always be people out there worse off than us… so even having a moment to complain about a high class problem seems incredibly shallow. I think that’s being overly hard on yourself since we are just human after all… but at least taking the time to reflect on why your problem should not cause undue grief is probably the better path to walk.
If I seem a little fixated on the perspective thing of late, I probably am. Travel always does that to me, but the next would be down time without competing priorities. And that’s me right now. Fear not – I have an idea for another blog post to do in the next day or so. I might even be able to do it from my house without 15 layers of wool, fleece and blankets.
Nor’easters and Forced Perspective
October 30th, 2011It’s a lovely day here in New England… well, I mean it’s lovely if you look past the massive power outages, electrical wires draped across road, trees smashing into cars and the prospect of no electricity for up to week. But beyond all that, it’s a lovely day in… October. I need to re-check my calendar… huh, it really is October? Hmm.
This above photo is a taste of what awaited me when I sojourned out of my house to see how things were today. As extreme as that looks, it was not terribly unusual during my travel of about 1.5 miles to the highway. Seriously.
This is the second time in the last several months that severe weather has caused a power outage which is supposed to last days. Yesterday I made the best of it as the power went out during my lifting session in my home gym. As my previous post shows, it’s amazing how you can get in a darn fine workout by candlelight.
But what all of this also does is force perspective upon many people yet again. Sure, there is the initial levels of outrage over events out of the control of we mere mortals – just look at Facebook for anyone you know in my area for proof of that. But then at some level, you are immediately forced into thinking about what is truly essential: food, warmth, shelter and the well-being of those you love. Those rise to the top of the list in an eyeblink.
It’s also an interesting lesson in how far removed we are as human beings from truly having to rely on our own wits on a daily basis. Hell, we are so far removed from that kind of pure self-reliance that we create reality game shows to mimic that experience so we can watch it unfold in the comfort of our own homes.
Believe me – I have bitched a bit about this power outage too. I think it’s natural. It’s a horrible inconvenience… but it will go away and I will return to First World living. However, I am hoping to get myself to step back and appreciate what I have a little bit more because I am only experiencing a few days worth of what far too many people experiencing constantly. If the worst thing that happens to me today is my inability to watch the NFL, then that’s a fairly high class problem to have.
And if you are wondering how I am able to even get this blog post up given the state of power in the glorious Constitution State… my place of work still has power… and I am completely unsurprised by that. Nothing seems to stop this place. Ever.
Sometimes It’s Just Play
October 11th, 2011As I start this post, I am already wondering whether it will be overly specific to a small group of people. I never like doing that, so I am going to do my best to rein this puppy in and bring it back around. We’ll see how that goes. And with that unbelievably awkward introduction, we begin.
There are a lot of people out there who love to get into details and plan. Depending on the situation, I can be one of them, but a lot of the time, I find it can turn into over-planning as well. But I do know quite a few folks who truly enjoy getting into the uber-specific details of any project to turn over each aspect, each step and carefully construct a borderline masterpiece of crafting. It’s actually pretty amazing to see the final result.
I see this with people in their training/exercise programs as well. If something is not built into the plan, then great googly-moogly! All hell breaks loose!
(Best use of “googly-moogly” ever. I will not debate this.)
It’s a little amusing to watch if, in some ways, it were not so darn sad. Oh don’t get me wrong – I’ve done the exact same thing where my plans have the inevitable wrench of doom thrust into them with nary an apology from Murphy, his law or anyone else. But by-and-large… especially when it comes to things lifting-related… I tend to roll with the punches.
This whole topic struck me yesterday when I snagged my nephews, ran to Toys ‘R Us, grabbed a few Nerf footballs and headed over to an open field at a local college. We weren’t there to improve our GPP (General Physical Preparedness). We weren’t looking to get in some extra NEPA (Non-Exercise Physical Activity). It wasn’t designed to be part of a structured anything.
It was just playing. Running around. Throwing the football. Those two little wild monkeys tackling each other repeatedly into the grass. It was just play in all of its beautiful, chaotic and unstructured glory.
It wasn’t my thinking of how this would so neatly improve my short burst acceleration or improve my total calorie burn for the day. I didn’t consider my mobility or even how the sunshine would increase my overall Vitamin D intake for the day.
It was possibly the last completely beautiful day we may get before the cold, overcast and rainy parts of Fall kick into high gear here in New England. And it felt great.
It’s just play and that is enough. If my deadlift session today were to somehow suffer because of this little excursion, so what? I cannot even begin to imagine it will, but so what? Was my plan so unbelievably valuable that I should pass up the chance to get outside and send my nephew on a few deep post patterns in the sun? Are your plans like that as well? They may be occasionally, but please, please, PLEASE don’t fall into the trap of your plans always trumping the chaotic little bumps that come up in life that you may miss and never get back.
Sometimes you need to be less afraid of diverting from your plan and utterly terrified of missing a magical random moment… because those are often the best of all.
Social Networking and the Rules of Engagement
October 10th, 2011I want to make something clear from the outset: I am not any kind of social media maven. I don’t specialize in building brands through tweets crafted with the guile of Machiavelli and the sparse beauty of Hemingway. I like using a few social networking tools and sites (Google+, Twitter and this fairly humble blog) and find it really great that I am now quite friendly with a number of people I’ve only come to know through these very sites. How can you not be at least a little fascinated by finding people with common beliefs and interests whom you may never meet in your life?
I’ve also come to chuckle at those that, to me, are just getting the social networking all wrong, at least in terms of engagement. It seems the coin of the realm to many who look to climb to the top of social heap is purely numbers. More friends or Likes on Facebook. In more circles on Google+. The uber-coveted number of Followers on Twitter.
But so freaking what?
Somehow why engagement became important is suddenly lost. It’s more like the rules of engagement in a military firefight than in seeking to make connections with other people.
I recently took it upon myself to follow the advice of Chris Brogan and started unfollowing on Twitter or unliking on Facebook any person, business, group, etc. that only engaged in monologues vs. dialogues.
It was profoundly liberating. Less noise. Less fluff. Less people who only follow me if I follow them back. More people I actually want to interact with.
I don’t know how or where it happened, but somewhere along the way these amazing tools that enable people to connect with each other around the world to exchange ideas, make new friends, debate interesting topics or just learn something became twisted into a numerical popularity contest. I am guessing that many were looking to cash in on the social networking phenomenon and figured “More people following = more money!”
Except for one small problem… if you have nothing interesting to say, who cares?
I feel like it’s a new kind of Zen koan: If someone tweets to 43,743 followers but none of them read it, did it really happen?
It gets to a rule I find more solid every day: go for the authentic every time and you will come out on the other side richer for it.
Wants, Needs and The Quest for the New Shiny
October 4th, 2011
Big doings today in the world of tech as the overlords of Cupertino, California (Apple) rolled out the newest/shiniest/most-gotta-have-it device in their arsenal, the iPhone 4s. I will be the first to admit I am definitely a bit of a gadget/computer sort of nerd where all the newfangled gizmos and doohickeys fascinate me. And yes, I know that’s some heavy jargon to be using, but I just can’t help myself sometimes.
But for just a second… let’s get past the hype of the announcement that surrounds any release by Apple and the near-endless debate between the cult-like followers of Steve Jobs and those who hate anything Apple because… well… it’s Apple.
Instead, let’s focus a bit on something that I can barely believe my fingers are typing out this very moment… what in the world is really necessary? I know, it’s borderline heresy as a gadget geek to focus on necessity versus “Dude… that’s just freakin’ cool as hell.”
What got me thinking about all of this was a post by Leo Babauta (of Zen Habits fame) on his refreshingly stripped down blog mnmlist.com, which if you have never seen, is devoid of nearly everything but text. Heck, it’s hard to even tell Leo writes the thing since you have to search around a bit to figure that part out. I should know… I just did that myself. Leo wrote something today on the release of the iPhone 4s and it’s accompanying fanfare.
But it was one line, in particular, that stuck out at me more than most:
Five years ago, the iPhone didn’t exist. It wasn’t a need in your life. You were able to live perfectly without it. And now that it does exist, all of that is true.
There you have it. If I sat here thinking critically about the numbers of things I’ve purchased and truly thought about what I could live without… yikes. It’s not a short list. True, I really enjoy my iPad 2 and use it all the time, but it’s not as if my life would have a gaping void within it absent it. I am not somehow a different human being for having that device… or my XBox… or my big screen TV… or… you get the idea.
As silly as it may sound to some, I think my gym equipment has allowed me to make fundamentally positive changes in my life in a way that the nearest replacement (belonging to a commercial gym and paying dues for the rest of my life) does not approximate. That feels like a pure win to me, even if it was not a cheap investment.
But overall, it’s rare for me to find many things… scratch that… material things that I simply could not go without if required. I learn this lesson most acutely a number of years ago when I looked at a credit card bill with a balanced that had carried over for a little while and thought, “Damn… I’m not even sure I can remember what I bought that I am still paying off.” People, if you cannot even remember it, how critical could it be? That was one of my big financial epiphanies for certain… it’s bad enough to buy with credit… but FAR worse to still be paying for them when you can’t even remember what those things are. Just… I mean… ugh.
This will remain part of my struggle going forward… fighting the allure of the shiny bauble of tomorrow. My self-awareness is good on this, but certainly not great. Hopefully it just gets a little better all the time.
In spite of the glossy finish, sharp lines, crisp details and seemingly unbeatable functionality found in any new gadget that is rolling our way down the consumer highway… if we let it pass by, we usually only “miss out” on something we never even knew we “needed” in the first place.
And that’s a curious place to be indeed.